Letters to My Past Selves as a 16 Year old Girl - Brielle's Story

Introduction

Especially at this age, we’re constantly changing and so is everyone around us. The circumstances we face shift just as quickly, and each new moment shapes the way we learn to adapt. The purpose of these letters is to acknowledge and honor my past teenage selves. To recognize their struggles, understand the weight they carried, and love them regardless of how gracefully or imperfectly they navigated their changing world. Self-love isn’t limited to who you are right now. It also extends to every earlier version of you, the ones who stumbled, persevered, broke down, got back up, and ultimately shaped the person you’ve become. Loving yourself means loving the entire journey, not just the part you’re standing in today.

Dear 13 year old self,

I know you feel like you don’t belong anywhere. The truth is, you don’t, at least not here, not now. Remember that your life isn’t limited to the current place you’re in, or the people you’re surrounded by.

I know there may be no words that can change the way you see yourself, but I’ll say them anyway: you are beautiful. I just wish you could see yourself the way I do. Keep smiling, even if you try to hide it. Maybe it’s better that way, because anyone who makes you feel less than beautiful doesn’t deserve to see that smile. Your real smile, the one that slips out when you forget to guard it, is so pure and carefree. And please, eat something more than gum and water, your body deserves so much more kindness. Stop letting the things people say sink into you. I can only imagine what you’ve been through. After all, you’ve erased every picture of yourself from this time in your life.

The truth is, my heart aches for you. You didn’t deserve anything that you went through, and to think you went through it alone. You still let people in, and allowed them to keep you company as you were internally struggling. These people come and go, but I’m still proud of you for not completely shutting away. That’s that rockstar attitude from you that I completely adore.

Gently and lovingly,

Your 16 year old self

Dear 14 year old self,

Your future isn’t something that you can hold in your hand. It’s meant to be made and figured out along the way. You keep stressing out about the fact that you haven’t made it and figured it out. I know that it’s not entirely your fault and you get pressured to know, but not knowing doesn’t make you a failure. Please stop thinking you are. It kills you knowing that you have no idea where you are, or what you’re doing. You’re stuck in this limbo where you know you’re in the right direction, but of what? You carry yourself and let each day blend into one, but you’re discovering your passions in the midst of that. Hold on to them, don’t stress about how much weight they’ll hold in your future, focus on the joy they’ll bring to you in the now.

You’ll notice that a big part of who you are is who you aren’t. You aren’t the people your family compares you to. You aren’t the people you surround yourself with, when they’re supposed to be reflections of you. You aren’t the person you say you are, putting up a front because you’re scared that without it, you are nothing. Maybe this front was who you truly were, but you presented it unauthentically. You didn’t let things flow naturally, because you were scared that you'd go unnoticed. I understand why you wanted the things you wanted. But you have to understand that they won’t come right away. You can’t force things out of people when they barely listen to what you have to say. You shouldn’t have to force yourself to love something or someone because it’s the most familiar thing around you in the sea of unfamiliarity. Let yourself be scared, let yourself learn and make mistakes.

With tough love and utmost understanding,

Your 16 year old self

Dear 15 year old self,

Any relationship, romantic or platonic, shouldn’t be transactional. You shouldn’t be doing things for them because you feel bad, or they do it before you, or they need what you have. Love should be given because you truly love them. Stop lying and saying you love people who treat you badly. Stop giving your love to people who take advantage of you. Once you become aware of that “love isn’t transactional” fact, you start to let others take when you’re the only one giving. Set. Your. Boundaries. You keep letting yourself get hurt because you want to be a good person. Yes, everyone deserves forgiveness, appreciation, and grace, but it doesn’t have to be from you. You don’t owe your kind-heartedness to people who’ve hurt you. Yes, you’re the better person, but it’s costing you, and what’s the good in being a better person at your detriment?

Be kind to yourself. You have so much love to give. Why don’t you let yourself receive any? You’re so quick to forgive people that have done you wrong, yet you haven’t forgiven yourself for acting like a 15 year old girl that was mistreated, hurting, and struggling. You say that you’re wrong whenever you show a sliver of how you feel for once. I wish you knew that you were allowed to feel the way you felt. 

“What’s the cost of it, of being loved? 

When close is not close enough?” 

— Clairo

You relate to these lyrics, and felt guilty for it. The real cost of being loved is to learn to love yourself instead when close is not close enough. You can’t love anyone when you have no boundaries to fall back on yourself.

Take it slow and easy,

Your 16 year old self

Ending thoughts:

I don’t have everything figured out yet, but it’s important to pause and acknowledge how far we’ve come compared to where we once were. My past selves weren’t perfect, but they’re still part of me. They’re pieces of my journey toward self-love as a teenage girl. There’s no reason to hate yourself for the mistakes you made along the way. They’ve already happened, and you’ve grown because of them. It’s so easy to forget that you simply didn’t know any better at the time. You were learning, trying, surviving, and doing the best you could with what you had. That deserves compassion, not criticism.

Reflecting on my past selves is a big part in loving myself. Through showing them compassion, I heal the version of myself who lacked such kindness. I compel you to do a similar practice and show your past self the care and warmth that you treat your loved ones with. Whether it’s in the form of letters or not, remind yourself that you’re always at the end of the tunnel waiting for them.