Positive Self-Talk - Lyli's Story

Hello readers! My name is Lyli Lobo, and I’m from American Canyon, California, where I’ve lived my whole life. I live with my mom, and my dad lives just across the highway, so I see him often when he is home from work. Despite not growing up with both of my parents in the same home, they haven’t failed to teach me a lot about life! From “what to do if you encounter a mountain lion while hiking” with my dad to my mom telling me not to use the word “hate” because it is a strong word. Something they didn’t teach me, though, is recognizing my worth. I learned that on my own.

They never worried much about what I wanted to do in life or how I was in my academics, as long as I wasn’t failing and that I was safe. Growing up as the youngest child, I previously felt that what I had to say was less significant because my siblings were bigger and older, so what they had to say came first. As we got older, my siblings’ lives usually called for more attention; my eldest sister was the first everything, she paved the way for the rest of us. My brother has ASD and OCD and struggled behaviorally inside and outside of school, and my other sister struggles with depression.

I found myself at a young age trying to find my worth in this world. I believed that nobody cared about me or how I felt. With every connection I had in my life, I was able to determine whether I liked how I was being treated or not. It was through being picked on by my siblings (sibling rivalry that we have long grown out of) and being bullied and excluded from my friend groups that I learned how I wanted to behave. I wanted to be the opposite of those who treated me poorly. I wanted to treat others with the kindness and respect I didn’t get. I now choose to surround myself with people who treat me well and how I deserve to be treated. But when they tell me the treatment they withstand from others, I see that their self-worth doesn’t match the worthiness I see in them.I often see my friends or those I interact with tell themselves unkind things, and it makes me sad because I know they don’t deserve that from others or themselves. Something I wish upon my friends is for them to see themselves in the same light I see them: a bright, shining star who is doing its best to survive, just as everyone else is. Which leads me into the topic I want to highlight: positive self-talk. 

If you treat others with kindness, care, and compassion, why not treat yourself the same? When your friend makes a mistake, you tell them, “It’s okay,” but if you make a mistake, do you tell yourself that it’s okay? Do you tell yourself that you’re less than others or a bad person because you made a mistake? The ability to change your perspective works wonders in many areas of life, and this is one of them. You should forgive yourself as you would forgive others, because there is no need to be so harsh on yourself! You can learn and grow from your own constructive criticism rather than putting yourself down. You matter to other people, and you are worthy to other people. You have people who love and support you and want you to be as kind to yourself as you are to them. They want you to take care of yourself. I want you to take care of yourself.

It may sound silly, but talking kindly to yourself when you are facing a problem can be very helpful. It keeps you in a growth mindset and hopefully will make you feel better about how to approach, handle, or solve your problem!

I usually practice positive self-talk with my most recurring problem: procrastination. I first have to forgive myself for not doing whatever I needed/wanted to do sooner, “I realize that I have been busy, and in my moments of free time, I chose to relax. That’s okay! I can’t go back in time and make myself work on it sooner, so there is no need to dwell on the fact that I didn’t.” If I find myself struggling to find motivation, I allow myself to do something that will increase my dopamine to get me on track: “I will cuddle with my cat to bring my energy up before I do the task that I need to do!”

Even when you are not experiencing a problem, you can still implement positive self-talk into your life! 

Here are a few things I often tell myself for a variety of situations:

• “It’s going to be a good day” - Manifestation and repetition can be a powerful thing! I find that saying this to myself, as well as others, spreads positivity, encourages me to stay looking on the bright side, and reminds me that each day is what I make it out to be.

• “You know more than you think you do” - I tell myself when I have a test or a performance (mainly choir). I first heard this from my AP World History teacher, and it has stuck with me ever since. Thanks, Mrs. Thorne!

• “My feelings are valid. I can’t control how I feel, but I can control how I act.” - I tell myself this if I am ever having a disagreement with someone.

• “It’s okay to not be okay. Take time for yourself to reset and heal.”
  

I invite you to tell yourself at least one nice thing every day! It is important to spread kindness and love to others, but also within yourself :)!!

Thank you for reading, and have a great day!